1. Notice What’s Drifting Apart

Sometimes, you wake up and realize you haven’t had a real conversation with your kid in days, maybe weeks. Life’s busy. Work, school, friends, sports—everyone’s going a hundred directions at once. If you’re honest, maybe there’s been more eye-rolling, slammed doors, or just silence lately. Don’t panic. The first step is to notice it, name it, and let your child know you care. It could be as simple as, “Hey, I miss talking with you.”

2. Listen Like You Mean It

Put your phone away. Turn off the TV. Look your kid in the eye, or, if that feels awkward, just sit nearby and let them talk. You don’t need to fix their problem or jump in with a story about when you were their age. Let them finish. Sometimes, they don’t want advice—they just want you to hear them. If you get the urge to cut in, take a breath and wait.

3. Show You Get It, Even If You Don’t

You don’t have to agree with everything they say. Honestly, you probably won’t. But try to show you’re on their team. Say things like, “Wow, that sounds rough,” or “I get why you’d be upset.” Sometimes all a kid wants is a little understanding, not a solution. A hand on their shoulder or a nod can mean more than a five-minute speech.

4. Don’t Judge Every Word

If every confession turns into a lecture, your kid will stop confessing. When they tell you something big—or even something small that feels big to them—try not to freak out. Take a second, breathe, and thank them for telling you. There’s time for teaching moments later. Right now, what matters is that they trust you enough to share.

5. Pick Your Moments

Deep talks rarely happen at the dinner table when everyone’s tired or stressed. Sometimes the best conversations are side by side—in the car, on a walk, folding laundry together. If your kid seems off, gently ask if they want to talk now or later. Respect them if they need space. You can always circle back: “I’m here whenever you’re ready.”

6. Speak Their Language

Kids know when you’re trying too hard to be “cool,” but they appreciate when you make the effort. Ask what that new slang means. Laugh at yourself when you get it wrong. And skip the big words—say what you mean, simply. If you’re confused by something, ask them to explain it. It can even turn awkward into funny, and funny is good.

7. Use Your Whole Self

Words are just part of the deal. How you sit, your tone, and even your facial expressions matter. Kids notice if you’re really paying attention or just pretending. Sit facing them, uncross your arms, and keep your tone gentle. Even just being present and not multitasking shows you care.

8. Make Room for Messy Feelings

Home should be the place where your child can be themselves—even when “themselves” is tired, moody, or scared. Tell them it’s okay to feel sad, mad, or overwhelmed. Share your moments of struggle. When you open up, you permit them to do the same. And when the tough stuff comes out, just listen. Sometimes all you need to say is, “I’m glad you told me.”

9. Fix What Gets Broken

Arguments happen. Sometimes, you’ll both say things you regret. Apologize when you mess up—kids respect that. Let them know you want to do better, and ask them what might help next time. Repairing trust takes time, but every honest conversation is a step. Even small moments, like laughing together after a rough day, start to rebuild the bridge.

10. Get Support if You Need It

You’re not supposed to have all the answers. If things feel stuck, it’s okay to look for help—whether that’s a family friend, a coach, a counselor, or a group of other parents. Share your worries with someone you trust. Sometimes, just talking it out helps you see a new way forward. And remember, your kid might benefit from having someone else to talk to as well.

Real connection doesn’t happen overnight. Most days, it’s a patchwork of small talks, inside jokes, and shared silence. Keep showing up, keep listening, and let your child know you’re always in their corner. That’s what lasts.